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BILL SPEAKS: So here’s the deal, just for those of you who don’t know. Alice and I have been writing a column called “The Hard Edge” for Computer Shopper for 12 years and 2 months –146 edgey, sarcastic, reader-centric columns. Is it any good? How about some other opinions than mine or Alice’s:

Computer Shopper has some of the best columns in any computer magazine. Bill O’Brien and Alice Hill’s The Hard Edge is the best monthly column I’ve ever read. They give THE most blunt reviews you’ll ever see outside of epinions.com.

The Hard Edge is a column from Bill and Alice, …gives an interesting perspective to developments in the computer world.

I think these guys are funny, and I’ve been catching their article for at least ten years…

You are a wooden board. Intel is a threaded fastener. Microsoft is a tool that drives threaded fasteners into wooden boards. Are you getting the picture yet? –The Hard Edge, Alice Hill and Bill O’Brien, Computer Shopper, September 1998 (Not a comment, but an oft quoted pull from the column. One of my best, I might add in all humble-osity.)

…reminded me of the plight of Alice Hill and Bill O’Brien, who write the sprightly Hard Edge column for Computer Shopper. ZDNet, one of John D.’s homes on the Web, used to archive old Hill-O’Brien columns. Not now. That might sound trivial, but the ZDnet’s handy archive of the Hill-O’Brien columns could have provided a goldmine for writers on the history of technology.

The Hard Edge was the BEST!

I didn’t omit any bad opinions, these were what I found by Googling. I also didn’t include any of the comments we’ve received over the years via e-mail. They’re usually slanted. So why this shameless self-promotion? Well, maybe I should have said that Alice and I wrote the Hard Edge. After the October issue of Computer Shopper, the Hard Edge is past tense, defunct, gone, crossed over, disappeared, i.e., it’s all over and the fat lady has sung. One hundred and forty six columns. It’s been a long time.

Why the end? Shopper is moving to a more product-centric format and the Hard Edge simply doesn’t fit. The column is/was a lot of things but we never touted products. Unfortunately, things like surveys and focus groups have become important tools for middle and upper management. (I can’t state it categorically, but I tend to think that they make life easier for some who prefer not to bear the full responsibility of the decision making process.)

We’d like you to take a minute to tell us what you think –positive or negative. Don’t fake the punches or pump up the flowers. Yes it will take a few minutes of your time. We apologize and thank you in advance. To start, just click the links below. (And no, you won’t be graded on spelling and grammar. Heck, we never were…)

What can you do?

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Phone Scoop had this to say about yet another UGLY and poorly named Blackberry-ish handheld: “AT&T Wireless is preparing to launch ogo, a unique clamshell instant-messaging device, to compete with T-Mobile’s Sidekick, according to documents posted recently on the FCC web site. ogo will be the first device for North America to feature PMG (Personal Mobile Gateway), a Bluetooth-based technology from IXI Mobile. PMG will allow the ogo to connect wirelessly to other PMG devices nearby, such as cameras, watches, digital pens, and gaming devices. PMG could also link the ogo to a phone for voice service, which is not included in the device.”

So no phone, and no devices we know of that support PMG. Go ogo, go. I mean, go!

Here’s the deal, ‘Sky Captain’ is a movie about a planet invaded by robots that systematically set about stripping it of its natural resources. The trick is that nothing in the movie is real except the actors, their clothing, and anything they might be holding in their hands at the moment. Everything else is CGI.

“Reaction to the film as a whole has been mixed,” says a Wshington Post article, “but everyone seems to agree that it looks spectacular.” “At least in terms of style, ‘Sky Captain’ works brilliantly. Gorgeous in a way few genre films have ever been, the film provides a refreshing antidote to the gleaming, shadowy dystopias that have dominated sci-fi since ‘Blade Runner,’” Wired writes in its review.

Isn’t that a lot like meeting your best friend’s blind date and commenting, “Great clothes and a really neat car. I barely noticed the hump, acne, and psoriasis.”

If this is what technology is going to do to the shape of movies tomorrow, I’ll take yesterday’s batch, thank you. But I could be wrong. Keep your eye on the box office numbers. If it doesn’t break $16 million it’s a loser. If it hits the mid $20 miillion mark it’s an enjoyable movie to watch. (Which is not the same as being a good movie. That takes more money.)

Well, while Alice is off gallivanting around Berlin (no, not Irving), I guess it becomes my job to let you know that Yahoo! is planning to start its own online music service, probably just before Christmas. (My, isn’t that coincidental.) What’s that, 2,576 music services now? Ah, but what separates Yahoo! from the other more run-of-the-mill services is… well, absolutely nothing.

Look… Go down to your local CD buying place thing store and check out the cost of your favorite music CD. (Just don’t tell me if it’s rap.) Divide the price of the CD by the number of songs on it. Now multiply that song price by .40 and subtract that amount from the song price. That’s what you should be paying for downloads. If it’s any more than that, you’re getting robbed.

Hey, but that’s just my opinion.

So there you are on Microsoft’s main Windows download page, ready to get your fair share of downloads, and then this screen pops up: “Say, boy, you’re not running a bootlegged copy of Windows, are you? You wouldn’t mind if we just poked around a bit in your computer and checked on that, would you?”

No lie. It’s voluntary right now. “Visitors do not have to participate in the program to get their downloads. They’ll also get their downloads if they do participate and their copy of Windows turns out to be unlicensed. But Microsoft said the program is a first step in trying to provide a better experience for customers using legitimate copies of Windows.”

It may go live after MS has sampled about 20,000 people. What was that slogan, “Just say no?”

All you’d have to do to earn somewhere between $100,000 and $250,000 is turn in someone you know who’s a spammer, or so suggests a government commission investigating the bounty angle of this whole deal. The FBI only pays $50,000 for info leading to the arrest of most of its top ten fugitives. I’d chip in a buck to get rid of the Viagra ads alone!

No, it’s not some mindless affinity to a geographical location. Long Island (NY) is the home of Hauppauge Computer Works, the makers of, as far as I’m concerned, some of the best TV tuner/capture cards/devices in the known universe. About two years ago I bought a Hauppauge WinTV PVR-250. In the interim, I’ve bought two more. I’d tried ATI’s premiere card (at the time), the All in Wonder 8500 and then it’s newer AIW 9000. The former was terrible, the latter was good, but not as good as the PVR-250.

So what happens about two weeks ago? My original PVR-250 hiccups, turns its head and coughs, sputters, and practically dies. Looking at the picture is like being on acid in the ’60’s. (According to reports I’ve heard from those who are familiar with such things.) I send a note off to Hauppauge’s Tech Support describing the situation and what I’ve done to try to work around it, along with a few grabs of the picture quality. “Anything I can do? Should I just trash it and buy another?”

A day goes by. Several days go by. I’m starting to get real ticked off in only that way that an Irish/Sicilian guy can. (The systems using the cards are run 24/7. I’m the guy who had 11 VCRs, I need my three PVRs.) Then I get an e-mail. “Looks like the tuner is shot. Send us the model number from the tuner and your address. We’ll issue a return authorization. Send back the card and we’ll replace it.” Uh, okay… I did and then they did.

A warranty that works. Why should that be so surprising? For that matter, why should I have been so surprised that it was handled in such a straightforward manner?

Been meaning to do this since Alice mentioned OLED displays a little bit below but just got the time now. OLEDs (Organic Light Emitting Devices) are pretty cool devices, beating out LCD displays by a heart throb and CRTs by a lifetime. There’s a tutorial about them if you’re interested. (And if you’re intending to live more than about three more years, you should be.)

The real reason I wanted to say something is that even though the technology is certainly fascinating, I’m a car guy. Displays of any type don’t belong in cars with the possible exception of GPS devices that are positioned on the passenger’s side of the vehicle, with voice activation and response. Cup holders don’t even belong in cars. Personally, I don’t think cruise control does either.

A car is 4,000 pounds of hurtling death. (More if it’s an SUV, etc.) It demands all of a driver’s concentration. Once you start diverting that attention, it’s an easy step to come up with reasons why the driver should be relegated to passenger, perhaps even cargo, status and that would be an horrendous day indeed. There are already enough people who are afraid of driving, who are driving, who shouldn’t be driving, who would welcome such a day. Should that ever happen, then let me paraphrase: They’ll have to pry the steering wheel of my ‘76 Camaro out of my cold dead hands.