February 14th, 2006
A ManGeek’s Guide to Women
By Alice Hill
RealTechNews
It’s Valentine’s day and most of the readers at RealTechNews are male, so for that speical someone in your life, here’s a guide written by a geek for geeks about how to listen to women. I am not sure I agree, and I don’t get why this advice is specifically for “geeks” vs. just anybody, but the guy is polite, and makes some good points.
We Say: Do these pants make me look fat? Seriously, Happy Valentine’s Day and good luck!
Let’s begin with an illustration. What would you say?
She: “My landlord is a jerk. When I ask him to fix things, he’s always late and grouchy about it. He always brings up the time that I was two weeks late paying…”
You (reasonable but stupid): “Yeah, landlords are all that way. You just have to put up with it.”
–Do not give advice.
You (stupider): “You should get a new apartment.”
–Do not solve the problem.
You (stupidest): “Why didn’t you pay him?”
–Do not criticize.This is where the secret begins. Most men would have given one of the stupid answers. They seem perfectly reasonable from their point of view.
When a woman lets you in on a problem this way, the words she uses do not mean what you think they mean. Often a woman will frame a question or statement in a way that clearly begs advice or a solution. That’s just how you heard it. Remember this, she’s not stupid. She knows the answer already. There is something about the wiring in women that requires a kind of periodic verbal maintenance. She sounds like she wants advice, but really she’s going into this maintenance mode.
Complete Guide Here
Source: Willowbend
Martin says:
This guy doesn’t get it at all. If a woman starts talking about how things need to be fixed, she’s looking for free labor. Gentlemen, the only thing I can say… if a conversation like this pops up early in the relationship; Run Forrest Run!
February 14th, 2006 at 10:41 pm
Kevin K says:
Actually, this is just the old “men are from Mars, women are from Venus” trap. It doesn’t matter if you are a geek or not. The problem is simply that men and women are different and they both just have to realize that and move on.
The sad thing is that the problem always seems skewed in favor of the women - it’s the *men* who screw things up by trying to solve the problem. What no one ever seems to say is “Well, women *know* that men won’t really understand what women say and will always reply “incorrectly” so women need to understand that will happen and stop getting all bent out of shape when it does and move on!” Why doesn’t anyone ever say that? No, it’s always “Men are stupid” or something to that effect.
Men may never understand what a woman means or how to respond but woman are equally at fault for knowing this yet not saying what they want the man to understand in the first place!
I always tell my fiancee if she asks a question and expects an honest answer, don’t get all bent out of shape when she hears an answer with which she doesn’t agree or didn’t want to hear. Otherwise, don’t ask. This is one of our cornerstones of the relationship and has worked very well for the last 5 1/2 years together!
February 15th, 2006 at 10:11 am
James says:
My wife, bless her, likes to tell long rambling stories. Over and over. Correct response: “gee, that’s terrible!” Incorrect responses: “You’ve told me that three times” or “Get to the point!”
She also doesn’t seem to get the hint that “I’d like to get a playstation 2 for my birthday” means just that. She thinks it means I want a new shirt.
February 15th, 2006 at 11:23 am
Lockergnome's Tech News Watch says:
A ManGeek’s Guide To Women
[Yesterday was] Valentine’s day and most of the readers at RealTechNews are male, so for that speical someone in your life, here’s a guide written by a geek for geeks about how to listen to women. I am not sure I agree, and I don’t get why this advi…
February 15th, 2006 at 1:20 pm
Bill Ramsey says:
It’s basic counseling. Don’t give advice; just let her ventilate and make sympathetic noises till she’s talked it out. Men often need similar handling–how often do they really want advice? More often they want sympathy. You can often tell when they’ve gotten to a more active, problem-solving mode.
Bill R.
February 16th, 2006 at 11:12 am
Bill R. says:
It’s basic counseling. Don’t give advice; just let her ventilate and make sympathetic noises till she’s talked it out. Men often need similar handling–how often do they really want advice? More often they want sympathy. You can often tell when they’ve gotten to a more active, problem-solving mode.
Bill R.
February 16th, 2006 at 11:13 am
Cylver says:
Why is this on the main page today?
April 10th, 2007 at 5:49 pm