RealTechNews.com - Independent Tech

Sunday, November 28, 2004

Introducing the Systemax AOL Special!
IF YOU BELIEVE THIS --- "AOL and Systemax combine forces to bring you one of the greatest deals ever on a loaded powerhouse desktop PC and monitor, featuring bumper-to-bumper world-class components, along with a top-quality Lexmark Ink Jet Printer! The spectacular Systemax AOL PC runs on a blazing fast Intel Celeron 2.0GHz CPU that carries with it 256MB of lightning-quick DDR main memory - upgradeable to a mind-boggling 2GB - a 40GB Ultra ATA 100 hard drive and so many extras that we could fill volumes of literature describing them. Here are just a few – 52X CD-ROM drive, SIS Integrated Graphics, Cyber Acoustics CA-2016 2-piece speaker system, Realtek AC '97 6-channel audio, 6 USB 2.0 ports, 56K Max v.92 Send/Receive Fax Hard Modem, 10/100Mbps LAN Support, 104-key Keyboard, Scroll Mouse and mouse pad. Of course, the AOL Systemax PC runs on the award-winning Microsoft Windows XP Home Edition operating system for incomparable performance and stability. And this fantastic computer is housed in a sleek, stylish fully equipped black Micro ATX tower case with 250-Watt power supply." --- I HAVE A BRIDGE TO SELL YOU!

Haven't we done Internet PCs before? The December 1st TechEdge column (out a few days from now) will explain.

# Permalink Posted at 8:21 AM 17 comments Email this Link

Comments on this Item:

Systemax is trying to completely destroy whatever reputation it still has?

# posted by Anonymous 8:44 AM

You've got to be kidding... "blazing fast Intel Celeron 2.0"???? How much do you charge for an "editorial" like this? Can we now add Alice and Bill to the ranks of FARK who "sells their editorial, and loyalty of their users"?

http://calacanis.weblogsinc.com/entry/3475049847315684/

If you are trying to make money from your website, I would rather deal with banner ads.

# posted by Anonymous 1:36 PM

Oh Todd of little faith... Did you not notice the quotes (") around almost the entire narrative? Why would I quote myself? Did you miss the pointer at the bottom that said to look in the next TechEdge column for the explaination?

Reading a screen is like reading a book. You MUST read every word.

# posted by Bill 2:27 PM

Todd must be new around here!

# posted by rapcomp 7:09 PM

AOL dialup on a 2G Celeron? I hope this thing comes with a gun for the inevitable suicide.

# posted by Anonymous 3:46 AM

Bill, you know what ? The subtle quotation marks are not very easy to notice and for the untrained eye, this looks too much like a sponsored ad which in turn may tarnish the image me and many others have for the column. When I first read it, right off the bat in the morning w/o drinking my coffee first, I thought about the same thing as Todd. I think you need to make things clearer on the main page with a joke-alike opening. Waiting for 2 more days to read the column to find the hidden meaning may be too long to restore the image of this blog.

Hope you do not take this criticism personally.

On the lighter side, I agree with the poster who made a joke about system coming with the gun. But, instead of the suicide, I would prefer to shoot the system and the salesperson who sold it to me. :)

# posted by Anonymous 8:24 AM

Loaded powerhouse???

# posted by Anonymous 8:46 AM

If the mouse pad has shag carpet and the volume controls go to eleven, I'd buy it.

# posted by WRM 9:04 AM

There, that do it for everybody? *sigh* Satire is wasted on the young.... ;-)

# posted by Bill 9:05 AM

AT "11" the speakers sound like they're receiving signals from SETI....

# posted by Bill 9:07 AM

Bill, I think you finally found some buyers for the Goethals Bridge.

And after we finish that deal, maybe they'll be interested in my waterfront property in Florida. And it's dry a good 12 hours a day.

# posted by Anonymous 9:11 AM

Is that a continuous 12 hours or does it vary?

# posted by Bill 9:19 AM

Bill, I think it's more a case of Satire is dead (and has been since about half way through the Reagan Administration). To quote Steve Martin, "I've stopped using it because I'm tired of being stared at."

Not that it helps in that latter department, but I'll spare you the gory details :-)

Kevin (or Todd if you prefer...)

# posted by Anonymous 10:43 AM

Kevin, you're only a Todd if you post totally anonymously. As for your thesis, it seems to dovetail with my observation that computers are making us dumber.

# posted by Bill 11:14 AM

As a former TigerDirect (a Systemax company) employee I find the marketing speal to be completely in character for the firm... promise the world... then make the customer wait forever for a half-ass product that will be gauaranteed to deliver a healthy dose of customer ill will.. ohh well.

# posted by Anonymous 9:18 PM

I dunno, Bill - I got it right away, ... the only fault I could find is with your spell-check... (Shouldn't that be AOHell?)

# posted by Anonymous 12:08 PM

Well, when I ran "AOL" through the spell checker in Word it came back slightly different... It added letters. Then my parental lock kicked in and changed it to A***OL*.....

# posted by Bill 7:56 PM

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